Breaking the YO-YO cylcle

On a couple of occasions in September I sat down to write something on my blog and the words would not flow!!

September for me was a real mixed bag with the return of several episodes of binge eating but also overall success with significant milestones being achieved. The BIG 30kg goal and 30% loss were ticked off and a real personal high of getting into the 60's again!! But along with those successes came a great fear that I had reached a point where in the passed I have got to on to many occasions over the years which had also been a turning point and the upwards climb would begin.

I do not want to go through that EVER AGAIN but it is something that is absorbing my thoughts!! Maybe its a good thing as I have heightened my resolve to succeed but that fear of failure is very much at the fore of my thoughts and the successes have faded into the background.

With the dawn of a new Month I have started a new Non Scale Victory list. This list will be about changing my thought processes from a negative fear of failure to one focusing on the success.

I plan to see a psychologist and explore the reasons that I have not let myself succeed in the past.

I am determined to break the cycle......

Thought I would share part of my presentation...

The Leadership Development Programme has been an awakening of the real me.
The voyage of self discovery,which I was ready and open to embrace,for me has been a catalyst for positive change in the way I deal with the stress.

Through out the programme I was given guidance and strategies for success which have allowed me to make the changes I needed for my general health and wellbeing.

The Myers Briggs profile, I was blown away by its accuracy!! I was somewhat of a skeptic about the value of profiling but the motivators and leadership style listed for ISFP is so ME! I can see myself 100% in everything in my profile-the good, the bad and the ugly.I am someone who is valued centred and has worked hard to bring the team with me. The profiling has allowed me to understand the team and their needs which has been so valuable in working through the culture change at work

The Prayer for the ISFP personality has been answered in the affirmative "O God help me to believe the the truth about myself,no matter how beautiful it is! Help my unbelief!!"(If you don't mind me asking!!)

Staying in the green zone and recognising my defenses has had the greatest impact on how I manage difficult situations and challenging people which is a frequent occurrence in the OR. Although not always perfect I am finding that I now deal with the base of the iceberg so those tip of the iceberg explosions are fewer and far between.

Being able to identify the triggers and changing how I react has been the single most gift for me and has been instrumental to my success on this weight loss journey.

As part of that journey I have kept a list of non scale victories which highlight many of the positive changes that have occurred for me and they have also helped to keep me grounded through the tough times. I have a daily mantra which is a quote by Raymond Chandler
"Ability is what you are capable of doing.
Motivation determines what you do.
Attitude determines how well you do it"

Over the last 12 months I have received so much positive feedback from through out the organisation but its only recently I have truly started to realise that I do make a difference.

Thank you for believing in me (abridged)

This was part of a presentation I gave to the executive team who sponsored me through this programme

Sydney Here I come...

Its 3 weeks today since we came home from Melbourne to be greeted by the fire truck!! What a hectic time it has been!! Dealing with insurers,cleaners, choosing carpet painters, selecting curtains and buying a new bed and bedroom furniture. Also hours sorting out what needed to be disposed and several trips to the dump!

Its all starting to come together and we are hoping to be back in our bedroom by Wednesday next week. Can't wait to try out the new bed.

When we booked this long weekend trip to Sydney back on the eve of our trip to Melbourne we did not realise how fortuitous the timing would be!! We are both so ready for a break.

Rick is there at present and I am joining him on Thursday only 2 more sleeps...

Time to STOP and go back to WW101

After slowing down with my weightloss to a slow trickle (500gms in 4 weeks and 300 of them were today!!) its time to take stock and refocus!

I have decided to go back to day 1 as I am wondering if I am taking liberties that I have not recognised. I religiously track,stay within points, and exercise and drink 3 litres of water per day BUT its not happening at present.

SO back to WW101.
1. I have revisited the onsite tour as I did on the first day in the hope of inspiration. Unfortunately not much inspiration there as the "Run time" errors sabotaged that!!

2. Back to the recipe books to try out new meals. Tonight is lamb shanks with mushroom ragout and mashed potato. I plan to try out 2 new recipes each week to add to my favourites list.

3. WEIGH,WEIGH,Weigh everything that I eat.

4. I will go back to healthy salads for lunch and reduce t he carbs

5 I MUST MUST try to knock my nemesis DIET COKE on the head. I have tried on several occasions but although reduced I have not been able to let it go!!

I so want to be a 60's girl again and to banish the last 7.4kgs that will get me to GOAL

OMG Wedding and engagement rings now fit perfectly!!

As a reward for my 25kg goal back in early July, I had my wedding and engagement rings repaired after they had been cut off and stored in the safe over 5 years ago. The woman in the jewelery store sized my finger and said that I would need to go up 2 sizes. I made the decision to get them re soldered and NOT resized.

When I picked them up there was no way they would fit onto my finger so back into the safe they went. 2 weeks ago I tried them on again to discover that I could get them both on but it became very evident if I wanted my finger to survive one of them had to come off!! So after a struggle to remove it, back into the safe my engagement ring went.

Last night after doing some more fire clean up I tried again and FINALLY I could get both rings on and off with very little trouble and I have worn both all day today and still have a healthy finger!!!

I keep looking at my beautiful rings and feel intense pleasure to be able to have them back where they belong!!

Surprise at the GYM

I guess you are wondering what it might be!! I have totally surprised myself with how much I am enjoying the gym routine. 4 years ago when I embarked on a weight loss cycle I joined a gym with great expectations. I signed up for a year convincing myself that I could do this BUT alas as with the "diet" both only lasted 2 weeks!! Rick worked it out it cost $500 per visit!

So you can imagine the trepidation and procrastination that went into the decision to try again!! Even though the healthy eating side of things was going extra ordinarily well there was a huge risk involved.

What is different this time round??

1 I know what I want and what I need to do to get what I want

2 I found the time of day that works best for me. I am a morning person so 6am before I start work fits perfectly into my day.

3 I have joined a supervised gym the PTs follow you through the circuit and advise and encourage and push you through for maximum benefit.

4 I can be in and out of the gym in 45 minutes including 20 minutes on the Exercycle

I have been going religiously 3 times a week for 6 weeks now and its such a part of my routine that when I went on 2 weeks holiday I was concerned that I would "break " the habit!! Definitely not the case as when we came home to discover the fire in the house I was so disappointed I could not get to the Gym the next day!!!

A new positive habit has formed that will contribute to making me a winner in this journey....

Finding myself

For me this is a journey of finding myself. I am self absorbed like I have never been before understanding my triggers and making a choice to react in a way that is not self destructive.

For the first time I feeling like a winner in this long road to goal and beyond. The journey is one I am on for life and what wonderful people I have found along the way to share the highs and lows the success and disappointments which every journey has.

I know who I am and what I want in life

Thrilled with 600gm loss given the week I have had!! Photos as promised

Despite 2 weeks holiday and the house fire on our return A small miracle has occurred and I have lost 600gms which brings me closer to goal with 7.9kgs to go!!

Bed hunting was the prime objective for today and I managed to clock up 16,000 steps on the pedometer doing just that!! Its such a lottery buying a new bed. How can you tell in 5-10 minutes of lying on a bed that its going to be comfortable for the next 15 or so years?? We sttled on one that has a slat base and a combination of latex and memory foam, Here's hoping that we have made the right choice!

As promised some updated photos!!

Family feedback and I am thinking it is time to update some photos!!

Deb, you asked for it so hear I go... The family were blown away especially my lovely brother in law Don who I last saw when we all traveled to Canada and Alaska in August 2009. He stood there with his mouth open and said "WOW!! Looking great Liz!!" then he proceeded to ask me what I had been doing and throughout our conversation he kept saying how fantastic and well I looked. I mentioned that under the clothing it still isn't a pretty sight as age was catching up with me and he said real women have plenty of character!!

I also caught up with some of my school friends. They had not seen me at my heaviest but there comments were also overwhelmingly positive and complimentary.

I now feature in a few photos so once I have uploaded them from the camera there will be a new photo gallery so watch this space....

Fire service welcome home!!

We had a interesting homecoming last night from a wonderful 2 week holiday catching up with family and friends.

The fire brigade were in the driveway sorting out a fire in the main bedroom which was caused by the waterbed heater. Claire our daughter had popped in to collect something about 30minutes before us and she discovered the house full of smoke and the smoke alarms screaming. Called 111 and they said if she had not come home when she did the whole house was just minutes from going up!! We're counting our blessings as the damage is limited to one area. Now the hard part begins with clean up and working with insurance companies!

I am currently fighting the binge eating stress response at present so far I have not given in...

10kgs to GOAL and counting down!

Well what a great weekend I had WI rewarded me with 600g loss which brings up the 74kgs!! This means only 10kgs to GOAL!! I have been on a high since Sunday!

I'm heading home to Melbourne on Thursday for 13 days to catch up with my family. They have no idea about the weight loss so I am expecting a few surprised people!!!

The plan is also to shop until I drop! I expect to come home with a new wardrobe as I have cleared out any piece of clothing that is too big even the sz 14s that no longer fit. I am not keeping anything as I am NOT climbing back up ever again!

The trip will be a test for healthy food in moderation with some small treats along the way if I have earned them with exercise!

GYM junkie is this really ME!!

The exercise bug has certainly taken hold with many people on WW online which is fanatastic especially when we are in the throws of winter.

I am pleased that I can contribute to the list of active people as after a weeks trial at the gym I have signed up for 12 months!! I have been procrastinting for soo long about this decision and feel really positive now I have finally committed!

I had my last free session at the Gym this morning. I have joined Bodytech which has a supervised 30 minute circuit with PTs along the circuit who set up the weights and seat adjustments for you and are with me checking I am doing everything the right way. They are amazingly supportive and I like the way they do things, when you are on the circuit the PTs focus on you and push you hard which means I can't slack off!!

I had a day where I could not seem to warm up all day. My office was freezing so I went and put several layers under my theatre scrubs and in the end I left work to work from home as I could not seem to warm up! The quality report and a business case for a proposal I am doing as part of the the leadership development(LD) course are both due while I am on holiday which means ideally I need to get them done before the weekend.

Next week is already full of meetings as well as a LD session all day Wednesday.We fly to Melbourne early thursday am.

400g closer to goal with weighin yesterday which means my goal is 10.6kg away. Whoo hoo there is an ever so small light at the end of the dark tunnel

27 weeks, 25kg, sz12, Confidence! PRICELESS

Whoo Hoo the 25kg star was dancing on my screen this morning!!

The scales rewarded me this morning with the required 700gm exactly what I needed to achieve my 25kg goal.

I am walking on air!

Thanks to my wonderful support group who have been there through the good times and the tough times.

You have been journey with me in this time of self discovery for me. Identifying what the triggers are that lead to the binge eating of the past and knowing that I have a choice in how I react. It is all up to me.

I love my "new" body and I love myself.

Exhausted!

I had an exhausting day with Claire at the hospital yesterday. She was booked in for hip arthroscopy sugery for 1.00 pm with our arrival time at 1130. She was very nervous but was coping well during the wait. At 1:30 we were advised there was a delay . We sat around waiting for nearly 5 hours. The case prior to her was supposed to take 90 minutes but ended up taking nearly 4 hours!! I must admit I was pleased that I was not the mother of that young girl!!

I am pleased to say her surgery went very well and she is now home and able to mobilise reasonably comfortably.It is very interesting being on the receiving end of what I do for a career and the impact something like this has!

It is so hard sitting around for all that time trying to be encouraging,reassuring and supportive. I fell into bed exhausted when I got home at 8.30pm.

Busy morning today firstly picking Claire up from the hospital following her hip surgery. She is home and resting comfortably and the flaps in her hip joint(turns out there were 2) have been debrided (could not be repaired)so she should see a dramatic improvement both with locking of the hip and pain.
Then off to the airport to drop off Victoria who is travelling overseas to Hong kong / London/ Amsterdam /Thailand /Cambodia and Vietnam away 10 weeks!! I am very jealous of her adventure. She is travelling on her own for a large portion of the trip which worries me but she is a very seasoned traveller even so, its hard to remember this when you send your babies off!!

I have managed to clock up the exercise points this week which have been on the very low side or absent for the last 3 weeks. Hoping that it works in knocking off 700gms to bring up the 25kg bells and whistles in the weight tracker.

Weigh In Sunday so all fingers and toes are crossed I can pull it off...

200gms closer to 25kg loss

Its a minimum of another week away to get to 25kg loss but todays WI has brought me 200g closer. I am pleased with that as the scales had me yesterday as STS.

I am feeling positive that I can achieve this milestone and move onto the next challenge. My exercise drive is coming back after being absent for 2 weeks.

I have made a commitment to myself to do 10,000 steps each day. I have found a tempory pedometor and plan to go to the WW store and get a WW pedometor that calculates points to spur me on

Here is to a great week ahead!!

NO more procrastinating!!

Well this week has been a tough one with motivating myself to exercise. Each day would start out with good intentions to exercise and at the end of every day I would go to bed not having done anything. A real couch potato!

This morning I said no more! I awoke at 7am had breakfast and then headed to the exercyle and did 30 minutes cycling with 1 minute sprints every 5 minutes. What a workout that was and boy did it feel good!

I have decided I am going to get up 40 minutes earlier each day during the working week and cycle before going to work, This is the only way that seems to work for me. I am most definitely a morning person and trying to do it in the evening is just not working!

This coming week is going to see a disciplined approach to exercise every day

Weigh In Today brings 25kg goal a whisker away!

Very pleased with this mornings Weigh In. I have made it into the 75s which is the final stretch towards my next goal of 25kg. It is one of those magical numbers that when I started this journey was a significant stepping stone towards goal and now it is just 900gms away!!

I am wearing a pair of jeans which now need a belt to stay up!! What a good feeling that is! Planning is afoot for a big spending spree in the July sales in Melbourne when DH and I head over the ditch to catch up with my family and school friends for 10 days. I am really looking forward to the trip and surprising my family as they do not know I have been on this weight loss voyage of self discovery.

I am still having problems with light headedness but as long as I do not push myself it keeps the dizziness at bay hopefully the iron tablets will kick in quickly.

Family are all here for dinner tonight and we are having the WW recipe Easy shepherd's pie which is delicious and got rave reviews from my fussy daughter last week.

here's to the a good week and knocking off the 900grams all Fingers and toes crossed

On a Dizzy High!

I have had a good end to my week as I received some very positive feedback on the culture change we have been working on in the ortho department. Staff are enjoying work and feel they are being supported with their professional development and surgeon satisfaction feedback has been exceptional. So I am walking a little taller with that. CEO made mention also when I met with him. I8 months ago we had a staff turnover rate of 47% and now we are down to 12%

I am having a few dizzy spells at the moment and think I may be low on iron so I started taking some iron suppliments this morning in the hope that it will improve quickly. I tried to give the exercycle a workout lasted about 5 minutes before I ended up lying down!! So I am planning a quiet day .

WI tomorow for me not overly confident with that the results will be downward as I had my first mini binge on Wednesday. Nothing compared to binges in the past but went over by 12 pts some I was able to cover with exercise points the rest I have been trying to claw back since then.

Deb I am still laughing over your Friday post!!

A Good day!

Good day for me I had my first mentoring session this afternoon which is part of the leadersip development programme I am doing. I was a little anxious about how this would go but I am very pleased with how it went with conversation flowing throughout. The hour flew by and I was worried I would not have anything to say!!! The session challenged my thinking and has me with a lot to ponder about other ways to handle challenging situations. I certainly have plenty to write in my reflective journal tonight.

Oops forgot to mention I had a mini blow out (8pts) my first since starting WW, last night. So I am turning the week into a "Wendie week" to try and recover the damage. It will be interesting to see how I manage that! So far with dinner included I have saved 5 pts today. My fingers are crossed that I can recover for WI on Sunday.

Deb- I soo am with you about that desire to be at goal but I am finding this road of self discovery and the journey is a necessary learning period for me so that when I do get to goal I will stay there forever.

I had a little high yesterday I "dared" to try on a sz 12 denim skirt and discovered it fitted and was only ever so slightly snug! Needles to say its now hanging in the wardrobe. All ready to wear with the new boots!

Learning about myself

Leadership development session today looking at credibilty and authenticity in leadership. Its been pretty exhausting and I have a ton of reading to do in order to better understand it!! At one point I was totally lost and asked for clarification but I still do not fully grasp some of the theory around it.

I have had the munchies since coming home and have succumbed to a Natural nut bar which is over my allowance by 2.5points so I will have to get some exexercise going tomorrow to get that covered.


Its a beautiful day today in Auckland with a real winters nip all day but amazing clear sky so I expect a very frosty morning will greet us tomorrow.

Disappointing Loss today!!

Well I wrongly had a sneak peek yesterday which had me at 76.4 so was expecting a good loss with weigh in this morning

How wrong that was!!The disappointment today as my official weighin had me at 77!! a paltry 100gm loss. At least its a loss but I was expecting more!!

Not sure what has happened but now will be working twice as hard to shift downwards. I will have less processed food and see if that helps as many of my snacks had become processed cereal bars and pop chips which are quick and easy to grab but not necessarily the best choice. So today I have stocked up on plenty of fresh fruit and with delicious apples and mandarins in season they will be my first choice snack.

I had been a little haphazard with exercise these last few weeks but last week saw me battling the elements in order to get back into this routine which had served me so well since I started 5 1/2 months ago.

Deb you list of NSV (Non Scale Victories) that you listed are inspirational!

So To remind myself I will share a few of mine
* I can fit a pair of regular boots!!
* 5 flights of stairs and I can have a conversation when I get to the top!
* I can sit and cross my leg!
* my blood pressure is normal (no Medication)
* My skin is so much clearer with less breakouts!
* I now do not turn to food when I am stressed
* In 23 weeks I have not had a episode of binge eating!

I do not feel DISAPPOINTED today!

A Chilly Saturday in Auckland

Very Chilly today in Auckland with intermittent showers throughout the day. I was so lucky with my walk this morning as I set out at the tail end of the shower walked the lovely streets of Hillcrest and was home again just a few minutes before the next downpour.

I had a delicous Pumpkin & Kumara soup that my sister in law made for lunch. She is looking fabulous and is now at goal (I am soo Jealous!). It was great catching up with much of the talk about food and points and sharing tips!!

Weigh In tomorrow so I am hoping the return of regular walks this week as well as the food choices and tracking will produce the desired results!!

Liz

What a day!!

I have had a day where it felt as everyone wanted a piece of me. Heavy meeting schedule and non stop phone interuptions sorting out a problem that occured yesterday. The good thing is I was organised with food including snacks so any food challenges from the regular meeting schedule where kept under control.

I had fun with grocery shopping yesterday. DD1 gave me a points calculator for mothers day and I checked out some of the points values of some of the snack bars, pop corn and some biscuits. I was pleasantly surprised at some of the low pt non WW snack options that are available.

I seem to have got back into a walking regime again which has been a bit haphazard the last few weeks.

Little Jayden is back to his adventurous self which is a relief.

I am counting down to my holiday which is not coming quick enough at present. Off to Melbourne to catch up with my family and meet my new great niece rachael who is 3 weeks old. I will be away for 10 wonderful day but not until 22nd July.

Liz

new template new look

Thanks Deb for your advice in setting up the blogg I am much happier with the new layout.

Little Jayden (7 months)was rushed to hospital via ambulance with respiratory problems fortunately we have just received news that he is improving and breathing more easily. I can now breath easier myself knowing that, as it has been an anxious time waiting to hear. Not sure at this stage if he will be admitted but his dad sounds a little more relaxed about things.

Its such a relief that our vibrant little man is going to be okay
Liz

Holiday Monday

Well the busyness of having family around meant that the blog got forgotten so Generation Y were gone before I thought again about enlisting their help.

Deb I have now managed to at least get the ticker going I reduced the size and now it is SMALL but you can see it all.

Hopefully I can get some one on one time with one of the kids to do some refinements to the bog during the week

Braved the elements for a walk this morning!! Started with a tail wind pushing me along then pelted with rain and fought the headwind on my return. All in All a comprhensive 60 minute workout!!

I have neglected the laundry all weekend so I am playing catch up to trying get something to wear for the week ahead. My clothing base has shrunk considerably and I am reluctant to buy too much as I have found that one of the pair of jeans I bought a month ago are very baggy and I am hitching them up all the time. Not complaining about that though!! Its what I am striving for.

Today I decided that I needed more variety in my lunch selection. I have had a staple lately of Pita with cream cheese and tomato which I really enjoy but I am concsious that some variety will lessen the boredom. So I welcome any 4 point suggestions. I have a selections of soups that I have picked out to make.

I have placed an order from WW for 4 cookbooks that they had on sale during the week so I am looking forward to those arriving.

Busy week at work ahead with several of my projects at the completion stage but need audit reports and policy updates done. All the little things that tidy a project up but I have put on the back burner as other things arise!

Here is to a good week ahead!!
Liz

I am Officially OVERWEIGHT!! YEAH

Thank you for the lovely feedback on my pictures. I feel as if I have grown a couple of inches and walking a little taller.

WI today sees me another 600g closer to goal. 77.1kg and the great thing is I am officially OVERWEIGHT no longer obese!!

Stormy Sunday in Auckland today so very much a day indoors. Most of the family are coming for the regular Sunday roast. I do enjoy having everyone around there is lots of laughter and plenty of conversation with everyone wanting to have their say. Soon I will get the fire going in the living room and it will make the house nice and toastie

I am hoping the generation Y Clan will provide some assistance with sorting out the Blog when they arrive this afternoon. My weightloss ticker doesn't have its marker and I have not been able to sort out the heading sections. I look at the blogs that I follow and see what can be done and I definetely fall short in presentation!!!

Liz

Photo's taken June 05 2010

Finally some up to date photos!! Not something I enjoy doing! These were taken this morning.

You get a glimpse of the new joinery that has just been completed.

From the balcony I am on we have magnificant views out to Rangitoto and peeps of auckland city.

Queens birthday long weekend so I am looking for a restful catch up as I have been a little exhausted lately. Plan is to finish my book and also start knitting little Jayden another helmet for outside play in the sandpit at daycare which he loves.

WI tomorrow and I had a little peek this morning and I am hoping that the scales will say the samething in the morning!! Wii Fit today has my Wii fit age at 32!! not bad for a 51year old. Breaking News!!! it also tells me I am no longer OBESE! I am officially Overweight!!

Leadership development course I am doing has also been very helpful on this weight loss journey as it has helped me understand myself and identify what my triggers are. I am in control of my triggers and have a choice in which direction I take in any situation which I had never really thought about before.

Finally Back but still no pictures

Well it has taken me the last hour to sign in, as being the bright spark that I am, I could not remember my password. Not sure why but I did not use my usual one and I have been really stumped!!

After 60 minutes a lightbulb finally switched on and I finally made it through the Maze!!

We are now in June, its so hard to believe that I have been on this journey for 5 months and I am still in control and incredibly focussed.

I had my first real test the other day with birthday cake. I allowed myself one piece to celebrate my son's 28th birthday and it was delicious and I went back for seconds just couldn't resist. I was sooo disappointed in myself afterwards but I tracked it all(25pts worth!!) The next day I realised that actually that was a success as in the past I would have gone back through out the evening till the cake was all gone!!

WI this week brings up the triple 7! 77.7kg so pleased with that

Other great news I bought some boots!! I have been on the hunt for my 20kg reward several weeks ago and I found some in The Warehouse!! Just a budget pair but very comfy and stylish AND they fit my calf!!YEAH

Hopefully I will have come to grips with the technology over the weekend and I will be able to post a picture update

Liz

This photo was taken The day Jayden was born. I was noy quite at my heaviest but very close to it.

I do not seem to have all that many photos of me as I tended to avoid them at all cost.

Also No photos yet of me at my new weight-old habits die hard!!

I have asked Richard (DH) to take a few tomorow so I will post something tomorrow all going well

Liz

First entry

Well today I decided that I would give this bogging a go as an incentive to get to goal and share my story.

My beautiful Grandson was born October 14 2009 and I wanted to make sure I was around to enjoy him growing up . Take him to the park to play and watch him play sport and also enjoy any future grandchildren that I might be blessed with.

It took me until December 30 2009 to take the plunge and join Weight Watchers on line and change a lifetime of yo yoing weight loss and gain forever.

Start weight was 100kg I had never been that weight before and when I jumped on the scales a the 3 didgits came up I told myself NO MORE!!

What a wonderful decision that was I am now coming to the end of my 20th week and cannot believe that it is me when I look in the mirror. I have lost 20.8kg in 19 weeks with no gains during that time.Whoo Hoo!! I had tended to be a stress eating when the going gets tough the food was my comfort. Now I look at dealing with the stress in a positive way, writing in my journal,chatting on the WW message board or getting on the exercycle and riding it out!

I have learnt so much about myself and with each success I feel more and more in control.

A big thank you must go to the wonderful people who have given so much advice and support on the WW online message board

I plan to post some pictures of before I started and the remainder of my journey.

Liz